After fifteen years, I still miss her, but I am so glad we had many happy years together before she went home to be with the Lord: Remembering Mother
Everyone has a physical mother who gave us birth, even if we have never met or known her. Did you know that alongside a physical mother, some of us have spiritual mothers as well?
What is a spiritual mother? One of the main characteristics of a spiritual mother is that she is a woman who listens to and obeys God. Mothers give birth, feed and clothe their children, nurture, observe, comfort, and teach. They aren’t perfect because no person is perfect, but they seek to love and care for others in need.
In Titus 2:3-4, the apostle Paul talks about the importance of older women helping younger women:
…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…Titus 2:3-4
In Judges 4 and 5, we see an older woman, Deborah, whom God used to rescue His people from their enemies. Deborah called herself a “mother in Israel” and she cared for the people of Israel by helping Barak. Huldah the Prophetess in 2 Kings 22, Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, in Luke 1, and Anna, a prophetess, in Luke 2, were also spiritual mothers to their people.
Like Deborah, a spiritual mother has wisdom and courage. Like Hannah, she brings her needs to the Lord and dedicates herself and her gifts to Him. Like Mary, she accepts the Lord’s will for her life with a humble heart. Like Ruth, she chooses God and His people over heritage, culture, and, if necessary, blood family. Like Abigail, she acts with wisdom even when surrounded by foolish people. Like Esther, she chooses to do what’s right even in the face of negative consequences. Like Martha, she serves the Lord and His followers. Like Mary, she worships at His feet.
I have been blessed with both a wonderful physical mother and a spiritual mother, Nancy. Nancy and I met soon after I moved to Virginia in 2003. However, it wasn’t until our mothers died within a few weeks of each other that Nancy and I grew close. We grieved together that first year, and in many ways, Nancy became a mother to me through that grieving process.
Nancy loved the Lord Jesus more than anything else, which was evident in her words, thoughts, and deeds. She made you feel that you were the most important person in the world as she listened closely, advised with godly wisdom and Scripture, and always prayed with you.
We spent many an hour laughing and crying together, cooking delicious food together, working together, and throwing a fabulous tea party for friends. Our birthdays were only ten days apart, and we often celebrated them together. She helped me to prepare for my wedding several years ago, choosing a dress with me, decorating the church, doing premarital counseling, and coming to see me “behind the scenes” before the ceremony.
Nancy’s wisdom and knowledge of the Word of God were deep, and our many conversations over the years encouraged my growth in my Christian walk. Always she pointed me back to the Lord Jesus. She believed and communicated that there is no situation outside the control of our Father God and that every circumstance is an opportunity to learn more of His lovingkindness towards us.
Best of all, she loved me with a deep, unconditional love that I never doubted. Her nurture and care for me as a spiritual daughter was evident to everyone around us.
Nancy fought the good fight and finished her earthly race a few weeks ago. She is in heaven now with her beloved Lord and although my heart aches with missing her, I am overjoyed that she is praising Jesus in His presence for eternity. The Lord has used her many years of discipleship and love, fun and friendship, conversations and work to make me into the woman I am today.
My prayer is that I would become a spiritual mother to other women the way Nancy was for me. As I look to the Lord to bring those women into my life, I am thankful that He brought Nancy into mine.
Do you have a spiritual mother? Or would you like an older woman to take that role in your life? I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to lead you in finding an older woman who could be a friend and helper in your Christian walk.
Are you a spiritual mother or do you want to be a one? Pray for the Lord to give you opportunities to care for other women, who need someone to come alongside them, to nurture and care for them.
May we be open to care for one other and be open to God bringing women into our lives to support as we walk out the path He has chosen for us.
One joy of having adult children is the discussions we have. Our phone calls will start with an update on how they are doing, but, inevitably, we will go down one rabbit trail after another, based on what we are reading and learning.
As a result of our family culture and my parenting style, my children are lifelong learners. My middle son told me he is always learning something new. He’s never interested in resting on his laurels but is always seeking to improve his skills or further his knowledge.
In our most recent discussion, my son told me about an article he read yesterday in the New York Times, Let Children Get Bored. He chuckled as he read a few sentences of it, reminding me of the many times I let my boys be bored. I never rescued them from boredom. In fact, they soon learned that if they told me they were bored, I found chores for them to do. It didn’t take them long to figure out they were in charge of their own free time, that I wasn’t there to endlessly entertain them.
Car trips meant hours of boredom. We never had videos or devices to entertain us. We played road games, and they had things to read and draw. I broke up the tedium with snacks, and, occasionally, we’d listen to an audiobook together. Church required sitting still and drawing or reading when not actively taking part. School involved hours of math problems and copybook and reading and writing, some of which was interesting and some of which was important, but dry.
The author of this article comes to the same conclusion I had: in order for children to learn how to approach times when things aren’t like a video game with endless thrills, a person must have time to be bored. Looking up into the sky and creating cloud pictures, facing a blank piece of paper and creating a short story or poem, or building a go-cart out of bits and pieces of trash were all results of my children’s boredom.
One of my children would study atlases and draw cartoons for hours on end. He borrowed every drawing book from our library and bought atlases with his own money. Another boy entertained himself for weeks with a ream of blank printer paper and a box of new pencils. My mechanically inclined child created interesting Halloween costumes, invented a game for children in our church, and rigged his room with lasers and mirrors to make a tripwire.
Boredom teaches children to think for themselves, to build a rich internal life, to create and daydream, and to learn how to handle themselves when faced with the inevitable times of boredom that come in life. Every job, every home, every relationship, every event has times of boredom, even if it’s just waiting in line.
My son told me he chuckled over the article because it reminded him of his childhood and that he was now glad I had parented this way. His internal life is much richer and his ability to entertain himself much greater than many people he knows. I am thankful to have grown children who come and tell me the times I got our family culture and style right. It gives me hope that they will also parent their children well.
Have your grown children thanked you for the things you did that were painful at the time but resulted in good fruit? It’s one of the greatest blessings of parenthood.
One of the first letters from Victor to Estelle is postmarked September 24, 1934, which was Estelle’s 23rd birthday. What a lovely gift to receive for her special day.