A Spiritual Mother

Nancy and me July 2013Everyone has a physical mother who gave us birth, even if we have never met or known her. Did you know that alongside a physical mother, some of us have spiritual mothers as well? 

What is a spiritual mother? One of the main characteristics of a spiritual mother is that she is a woman who listens to and obeys God. Mothers give birth, feed and clothe their children, nurture, observe, comfort, and teach. They aren’t perfect because no person is perfect, but they seek to love and care for others in need.  

In Titus 2:3-4, the apostle Paul talks about the importance of older women helping younger women: 

…the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children…Titus 2:3-4  

In Judges 4 and 5, we see an older womanDeborah, whom God used to rescue His people from their enemies. Deborah called herself a “mother in Israel” and she cared for the people of Israel by helping Barak. Huldah the Prophetess in 2 Kings 22, Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, in Luke 1, and Anna, a prophetess, in Luke 2, were also spiritual mothers to their people. 

Like Deborah, a spiritual mother has wisdom and courage. Like Hannah, she brings her needs to the Lord and dedicates herself and her gifts to Him. Like Mary, she accepts the Lord’s will for her life with a humble heart. Like Ruth, she chooses God and His people over heritage, culture, and, if necessary, blood family. Like Abigail, she acts with wisdom even when surrounded by foolish people. Like Esther, she chooses to do what’s right even in the face of negative consequences. Like Martha, she serves the Lord and His followers. Like Mary, she worships at His feet. 

I have been blessed with both a wonderful physical mother and a spiritual mother, Nancy. Nancy and I met soon after I moved to Virginia in 2003. However, it wasn’t until our mothers died within a few weeks of each other that Nancy and I grew close. We grieved together that first year, and in many ways, Nancy became a mother to me through that grieving process.  

Nancy loved the Lord Jesus more than anything else, which was evident in her words, thoughts, and deeds. She made you feel that you were the most important person in the world as she listened closely, advised with godly wisdom and Scripture, and always prayed with you.  

We spent many an hour laughing and crying together, cooking delicious food together, working together, and throwing a fabulous tea party for friends. Our birthdays were only ten days apart, and we often celebrated them together. She helped me to prepare for my wedding several years ago, choosing a dress with me, decorating the church, doing premarital counseling, and coming to see me “behind the scenes” before the ceremony.  

Nancy’s wisdom and knowledge of the Word of God were deep, and our many conversations over the years encouraged my growth in my Christian walk. Always she pointed me back to the Lord Jesus. She believed and communicated that there is no situation outside the control of our Father God and that every circumstance is an opportunity to learn more of His lovingkindness towards us.  

Best of all, she loved me with a deep, unconditional love that I never doubted. Her nurture and care for me as a spiritual daughter was evident to everyone around us.  

Nancy fought the good fight and finished her earthly race a few weeks ago. She is in heaven now with her beloved Lord and although my heart aches with missing her, I am overjoyed that she is praising Jesus in His presence for eternity. The Lord has used her many years of discipleship and love, fun and friendship, conversations and work to make me into the woman I am today.  

My prayer is that I would become a spiritual mother to other women the way Nancy was for me. As I look to the Lord to bring those women into my life, I am thankful that He brought Nancy into mine.  

Do you have a spiritual mother? Or would you like an older woman to take that role in your life? I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord to lead you in finding an older woman who could be a friend and helper in your Christian walk. 

Are you a spiritual mother or do you want to be a one? Pray for the Lord to give you opportunities to care for other women, who need someone to come alongside them, to nurture and care for them. 

May we be open to care for one other and be open to God bringing women into our lives to support as we walk out the path He has chosen for us.

 

Cultivating Friendships

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Friendships are like gardens. When we first plant our flowers or vegetables, we spend time preparing the soil, digging, and watering. But then, summer comes, we are busy with other things, and it’s all too easy to neglect our flowers until they droop and, sometimes, die.

Just as we need to continue to weed and water and fertilize our gardens, it is also necessary to spend time and energy on our friendships lest they fade away from neglect.

In these days of “crazy busy”, it can be hard to find time for friendships. By the time we finish work, paid or volunteer, take care of our homes and families, and fulfill our responsibilities, it is difficult to get out of the house one more time to see a friend. However, while all of those things are important, so are our friendships.

It was easier when my children were young and I was home with them. We had play dates, and the mothers chatted. We hauled the kids to the YMCA for pool time or ping pong or racquetball games, and the mothers exercised together. There were multiple activities at which the parents grew to know one another for a season or for several years, depending on the activity.

Now that my children are grown and gone and I’m working outside the home, finding time for friends is much more difficult. Making new friends is even harder.

One of my personal goals for 2018 was to make time for friendships, old and new. I am doing this in a variety of ways: walking about once a week with my closest friend, having coffee or lunch with at least one friend a month, and occasionally watching someone’s baby with a mutual friend so we can both get baby cuddle time and have time to talk, too.

Another way I found time to cultivate relationships was to throw a spring tea this past March. A dear friend and I worked together on it, which gave us time together, and then on a Saturday, we had a small group of women come share tea and delicious food with us for the afternoon. We scattered groups of chairs in several rooms so everyone had an opportunity to sit down with someone they hadn’t seen for a while. My friend and I had the joy of talking with our dear friends and giving them an afternoon of beauty, tea, and conversation.

Not only did I have the opportunity to cultivate my friendships, I helped others to cultivate theirs as well and created memories to add to our histories together. It was well worth the time and energy.

All of us can find a couple of hours a month to spend with a friend. Do things together that you have to do anyway like exercise or grocery shop. Grab a quick cup of coffee on your way home from work one night a month. Join a book club or Bible study that meets regularly so you see the same faces repeatedly and have the time to get to know them. Spend the time with a friend in real life that you would have spent on social media.

As Laura Vanderkam says in her book 168 Hours, there are 168 hours in a week and not all of them are spent sleeping and working. Dedicate a certain amount of time to your friends and you will find that the time and energy spent is multiplied in pleasure.

How do you make time for friendships? Let me know in the comments. I’d love to have more ideas to reach my goal for 2018 and add to my treasury of friends.