A Parenting Win

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One joy of having adult children is the discussions we have. Our phone calls will start with an update on how they are doing, but, inevitably, we will go down one rabbit trail after another, based on what we are reading and learning.

As a result of our family culture and my parenting style, my children are lifelong learners. My middle son told me he is always learning something new. He’s never interested in resting on his laurels but is always seeking to improve his skills or further his knowledge.

In our most recent discussion, my son told me about an article he read yesterday in the New York Times, Let Children Get Bored. He chuckled as he read a few sentences of it, reminding me of the many times I let my boys be bored. I never rescued them from boredom. In fact, they soon learned that if they told me they were bored, I found chores for them to do. It didn’t take them long to figure out they were in charge of their own free time, that I wasn’t there to endlessly entertain them.

Car trips meant hours of boredom. We never had videos or devices to entertain us. We played road games, and they had things to read and draw. I broke up the tedium with snacks, and, occasionally, we’d listen to an audiobook together.  Church required sitting still and drawing or reading when not actively taking part. School involved hours of math problems and copybook and reading and writing, some of which was interesting and some of which was important, but dry.

The author of this article comes to the same conclusion I had: in order for children to learn how to approach times when things aren’t like a video game with endless thrills, a person must have time to be bored. Looking up into the sky and creating cloud pictures, facing a blank piece of paper and creating a short story or poem, or building a go-cart out of bits and pieces of trash were all results of my children’s boredom.

One of my children would study atlases and draw cartoons for hours on end.  He borrowed every drawing book from our library and bought atlases with his own money. Another boy entertained himself for weeks with a ream of blank printer paper and a box of new pencils.  My mechanically inclined child created interesting Halloween costumes, invented a game for children in our church, and rigged his room with lasers and mirrors to make a tripwire.

Boredom teaches children to think for themselves, to build a rich internal life, to create and daydream, and to learn how to handle themselves when faced with the inevitable times of boredom that come in life. Every job, every home, every relationship, every event has times of boredom, even if it’s just waiting in line.

My son told me he chuckled over the article because it reminded him of his childhood and that he was now glad I had parented this way. His internal life is much richer and his ability to entertain himself much greater than many people he knows. I am thankful to have grown children who come and tell me the times I got our family culture and style right. It gives me hope that they will also parent their children well.

Have your grown children thanked you for the things you did that were painful at the time but resulted in good fruit? It’s one of the greatest blessings of parenthood.

Reading the Bible Fast and Slow

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A few weeks ago, I read this article on reading the Bible fast and slow. If you are like me, perhaps you have tried, and maybe succeeded, at reading through the Bible in a year. There is a satisfaction in reading through all of Scripture in one year. However, one thing that irked me was that while I did get a big picture idea of Scripture and how it all hangs together, I would miss many of the details. I would skim so fast that I wouldn’t think about applications, and I wouldn’t go deep.

Tired of skimming the surface of the Bible, I would then decide to focus on one book of the Bible, like the Psalms or Proverbs or Romans, or Genesis, during a year. That was great because I would go deeper, but then I missed that bigger scope.

This article piqued my interest because the author suggested that rather than choose one of these approaches, you can do both at the same time. Each type of reading complements the other.

So, I planned my Scripture reading for 2019, using this idea.  I chose to read through the New Testament over the year, using a plan by the Navigators. I’m also reading along with She Reads Truth, an online Bible reading group that covers several books of the Bible over the course of a year. Then I am slowly reading through the Psalms. I read only one Psalm or a portion of one each day plus I will study a Psalm in depth every week.

By the end of the 2019, I hope to have read several large chunks of the Bible and to have delved into 50 Psalms. I’m going to read fast and slow. What are your plans for reading God’s Word this year?

Reading Challenges for 2019

coffee-2390136_1920Last week I mentioned that I often have difficulty with decision paralysis on what to read next. The problem is never that I have nothing to read. Instead, it is always that I have too many great choices, an embarrassment of riches, in fact. When I rely on my feelings, I tend to waver back and forth over what to choose.

As a result, I’ve decided to follow a couple of reading plans this year. I want to choose at least some of the titles and have them at my house by the end of January. That way when I finish one book, whether a planned or spontaneous read, I can pick up one from the plan and read it without waffling.

I’ve chosen two plans for this year. The first is the Modern Mrs. Darcy 2019 Reading Challenge. I have been reading the Modern Mrs. Darcy blog by Anne Bogel and listening to her podcast, What Should I Read Next, for several years now. Both are fun places to hear about books and book-related topics. I especially like her reading challenge this year.

When you sign up, she sends you a set of worksheets to help you decide what you want to add to your list. Interestingly, for herself, Anne chose three selections for each of her categories, which I thought was a great idea. I may even do the same. Then I will still have some choice based on availability and desire but will have some guidelines, too. The best of both worlds.

A few of the categories the Modern Mrs. Darcy 2019 Reading Challenge are:

  • A book you’ve been meaning to read: The title that immediately came to mind is Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigrid Undset. I have been meaning to read that book for years, but it’s such a commitment at 1000+ pages that I keep putting it off. 2019 is the year! Another option: On Reading Well by Karen Swallow Prior (I won it in a contest and am dying to start it!)
  • A book you chose for the cover: One possibility is I’ll be Your Blue Sky by Marisa de los Santos. It has such a pretty cover. I need to peruse my shelves and the library for other options for this category. I tend to choose books based on what I’ve heard or read about them, not their covers, so this may be the one serendipitous category.
  • A book in translation: I think I may choose The Elegance of a Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. It’s one of my book group reads for this year, and it’s one I’ve been wanting to read for a while.
  • A book outside your (genre) comfort zone:  This category will be covered at some point this year at work. We are challenged to read a book a month and the genres change each month. This month’s genre is memoir, which is a favorite of mine, but I’m sure that at least one of the genres this year will be outside my comfort zone. Or I can reattempt The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, which I started last year but didn’t finish. Horror is definitely outside my comfort zone. Another option would be to read a graphic novel. One title that sounds interesting is Spinning by Tillie Walden.
  • A book published before you were born:  I found a really fun site with lists of best-sellers from every year in the 20th century here. A few titles I found that would fill this category are: Wind, Sand, and Stars by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, How Green Was My Valley by Richard Llewellyn, or A Passage to India by E. M. Forster.

The second reading challenge I plan to complete this year is the one at challies.com. Although it is tempting to choose something other than the light reader category, I need to keep room in my reading life for book group reads, work reads, research reads, comfort reads, rereads, and “just because it’s fun” reads. So I”m choosing the light reader category which is just twelve titles. Categories from this challenge include:

  • A biography: I love biographies so the hard part will be choosing which title to read. Some of my options are: A Passion for the Impossible by Miriam Rockness,  Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxes, Thomas Cromwell by Diarmaid MacCulloch, Luther by Eric Metaxas, or Jonathan Edwards: A Life by George M. Marsden. I will probably read the Thomas Cromwell biography. I have been intrigued by him and his influence on the English Reformation since reading Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall and Bring Up the Bodies. It is 700+ pages, but none of these are small books so that will likely be my choice. A Passion for the Impossible is the runner up, I think.
    A book about Christian living: I have several books on my shelves that will fit this category. I just need to decide between them.
    A book with at least 400 pages: This should not be difficult to attain. For some reason, the books that most attract me are the big, huge ones. I could count Kristin Lavransdatter for this category and choose something else for the “I have been meaning to read” category. Although, at 1000+ pages, it should count for more than one reading challenge don’t you think?
    A book by or about a missionary: I have Helen Roseveare’s Give Me This Mountain, which I want to read for a couple of reasons. First, I heard her speak many years ago at the Urbana missions conference, and I have never forgotten her talk. Also, after reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver last year, I have wanted to know more about the Belgian Congo during that time period. Helen Roseveare lived through the same events as Kingsolver covers in her book so I am looking forward to it.
    A book from a “Best of 2018” list: This is an easy category because I’ve just started The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah, which fits this category. I’ve had so many people I know rave about this book that I want to see if I think it’s as great as everyone else does. I loved her book The Nightingale, but this one is very different so we shall see. I am also reading Educated by Tara Westover, which would also count for this category.

One other guideline for my reading this year is to read 25% nonfiction. It’s not that I don’t read nonfiction, but my tendency is to read just bits and pieces and not finish nonfiction books. Since I don’t count unfinished books in my completed books list, I don’t have many nonfiction titles. So I will aim to finish at least 20-30 nonfiction books this year. That would give me the 25% (depending on whether I read my goal of 80 or go over like I did in 2018). Also, I would use my time more wisely by reading entire books rather than dipping into multiple books that I don’t finish. I don’t count books that I’m using for research since I rarely read those books cover to cover.

If you are interested in choosing one or more reading challenges for yourself this year, you will find links to more challenges in my article here.

Are you planning your reading this year? Please let me know in the comments.

My Reading Life in 2018

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My Reading Journal

Goodreads and my reading journal have been a good way for me to track my reading for the past couple of years. I tried to catch up in each place once or twice a month so that I didn’t lose track. My goal for 2018 was 80 books. However, unlike last year where I barely squeaked by with short books at the end of the year, this year I hit the goal in October. At the end of 2018, I had read 128 books, 60% more than I had aimed for.

The reason is simple. After struggling to get in 80 books read last year, I decided to make reading more of a priority in 2018. I purposely created routines in my daily life that gave me time to read. I added books, print and digital, to every room and device in the house and at work so that I was never at a loss for material. When you have plenty to read, have books available, and set aside time to do it, reading is more likely to happen.
Here is a snapshot of my reading from the last year:

Books read – 128
Nonfiction – 18
Fiction – 110
Audiobooks – 12

I think I would have had a higher percentage of audiobooks if I didn’t also listen to podcasts. However, as that is unlikely to change because I like podcasts in the car, an audiobook a month is probably my goal again this year. My nonfiction percentage is too low. It would have been about right if I had read 80 books as I originally planned. I’d like to see if I can bump it up to 25% of my total reading this year.

I might have read even more if I had had more focus on what to read next. Often, I would be torn between several choices and be paralyzed by which one to read so that most of my reading time was gone by the time I decided what to choose. I’m hoping to forestall that problem this year by having a couple of guided reading challenges, already filled out and several of the books at hand. I should then be able to work my way through the lists and not have as much decision paralysis. More on that next week.

My favorite books of 2018:

Fiction 

Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner – I would never have picked this up and perhaps I wouldn’t have finished it if I hadn’t been following the Close Reads podcast as they discussed it. As I read along with them, I was overcome by the beauty of Stegner’s prose, I grew to love the characters, and I began to appreciate what he was doing in the book. This is one I will reread in the future. The library copy had a hold list so I bought a copy and I’m glad. I kept underlining beautiful phrases, sentences, and paragraphs.

Letters from Father Christmas by J.R.R. Tolkien – a delightful book of letters that Tolkien wrote to his children every year at Christmas, telling of Father Christmas’s adventures along with his great friend, North Polar Bear. The book contains drawings Tolkien did as well. I loved every second of it. The audio was well done, but I found a copy afterward so I could see the pictures Tolkien drew to go with the letters.

Transcription by Kate Atkinson – I’ve been enjoying Atkinson’s work since Life After Life and this one did not disappoint. The story of a young woman, who is asked to spy for her country during World War II. After the war she goes on with her life, but leftovers from her war years haunt her. Full of twists and turns, Atkinson kept me guessing until the very last page.

Excellent Women by Barbara Pym – this was my first Pym novel, but it won’t be my last. A quiet story about people but so full of truth and wit that I enjoyed every moment. The audio was excellent.

Meet Me at the Museum by Anne Youngson – this was an ARC* that I picked up out of curiosity and I loved it. It’s a novel of letters between a middle-aged farm wife and a museum curator. On the surface that may sound dull, but their conversations and how those conversations affect each of their lives is so well done. This is probably a sleeper novel because it’s in the form of letters, but I have been telling everyone I think may like it to try it. It’s a beautifully written story. I look forward to more from this author in the future.

The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton- a debut novel that was like Groundhog Day meets Agatha Christie. Full of twists and turns and unexpected events, this mystery novel/fantasy is absorbing. I couldn’t put it down until I reached the very last page.

Magpie Murders by Anthony Horowitz – a delightful tribute to English country house mysteries with a twist. The audio is superb with dual narrators, one who narrates the real-life protagonist and the other who narrates the book she is reading. If you love English detective fiction, do read this up-to-date version of the classic English detective novel.

The Bookshop of Yesterdays by Amy Meyerson – the story of a girl who is left a bookstore by her uncle along with a mystery about her family to solve. I enjoyed this story about family and secrets and, of course, books.

Bring Up the Bodies by Hilary Mantel – This is the sequel to Wolf Hall, which I adored and which won the Man Booker Prize. This volume also won the Man Booker Prize, but I couldn’t believe that it could be as good as Wolf Hall. However, when I finished it, I thought, “She did it again!”. Mantel not only gets you inside Thomas Cromwell’s head so that you find yourself not just rooting for him but admiring him, but she also portrays the court of Henry VIII and all of the political machinations so that you will find yourself, like I did, being very, very thankful that you did not live and work for that man. If you like history at all, English history in particular, or even are interested in the Reformation in England, you have to read this book. It’s excellent!

A Tangled Mercy by Joy Jordan-Lake – set in Charlestown, which charmed me from the start, this book tells two stories—the modern-day story of a young woman and her search for the truth of her family and the story of a slave revolt in the early 19th century. I couldn’t put it down and really loved it.

Nonfiction

Book Girl by Sarah Clarkson – I borrowed this from the library but as soon as I finished it, I bought myself my own copy because this book got who I am as a person. Sarah Clarkson is definitely a kindred spirit and I have since started reading her blog and following her Instagram, loving everything she writes and shares. Full of bookish talk and lots of lovely book lists, I reveled in every word. I can see myself rereading this and going back to this book again and again until I have read every last suggestion in it.

None Like Him by Jen Wilkin – A great book about God’s attributes, how they set Him apart, and who we are in comparison. I listened to this but plan to go back with a paper copy and a pencil to underline and take copious notes. Lots to think about and appreciate about the God who loved me and gave Himself for me.

Off the Clock by Laura Vanderkam – I’ve appreciated Vanderkam’s work since I first read 168 Hours and started reading her blog. She has helped me to think about my time differently, which has enriched my life. A small book but well worth reading if only for the idea of your past, present, and future selves when it comes to events. Several times now I have gone to things I had planned to attend even when I didn’t feel like it because of her advice. Every time I have been so thankful to have made the effort.

A Circle of Quiet and The Summer of the Great-Grandmother (Books 1 and 2 of the Crosswicks Journals) by Madeleine L’Engle – both of these rated five stars for me and I’m stingy with my stars. If you love L’Engle or you love family or you love the idea of place and home or you are a writer wannabe, all of which I am, these books are for you.

Prairie Fires by Caroline Fraser – If you always wondered about the reality behind the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder then you will enjoy this book. Fraser delves into the geography, politics, and history behind those famous books. I enjoyed it and am looking forward to hearing Caroline Fraser speak about her book this winter when she comes to town.

New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp – I read this devotional throughout 2018. It was encouraging, challenging, and thought-provoking. I highly recommend it if you want to grow in your understanding and growth in the gospel of Christ.

Rereads

I believe in rereading books regularly—some require rereading in order to understand them and some are so lovely that I want to experience them again and some are so comfortable that I want to sink into their embrace. So I will reread books despite my ever-growing To Be Read tower of books because a good book is always worth reading more than once.

Persuasion by Jane Austen – a reread for the 10th or 11th time, but oh how I adore this book of redemption and second chances.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows – I listened to this on audio and loved it just as much as the first time. Of course, any epistolary novel wins my heart but one set in England during World War II and about books…I loved every second.

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles – I listened to the audio and fell in love with this book all over again. Reams have been written about it so I won’t go into detail, but this is worth reading and rereading, not only for its structure, but for the main character and his ability to adapt to his circumstances, his intelligence and humor, and his wonderful sense of honor and dignity.

Overall 2018 was a great reading year. I look forward to 2019 and all of the lovely books I will read and think about and write about and share with all of my friends. I hope your reading year is a good one, too.

O Come, Emmanuel

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A devotional I have been reading this year for Advent includes the O antiphons, the prayers of the Christian church, which they prayed during the Advent season for centuries. Traditionally, they were sung each night from December 17 through December 23 in preparation for Christmas: O Sapientia [O Wisdom], O Adonai [O Lord], O Radix Jesse [O Root of Jesse], O Clavis David [O Key of David], O Oriens [O Dayspring], O Rex Gentium [O King of the Nations], and O Emmanuel. A fuller explanation and translations can be found here.

One of my favorite hymns during this season is O Come, O Come Emmanuel. With it’s haunting melody and beautiful words, it rings with the longing and expectation of the world for the coming of the Savior. Each year I sing it, thrilling that Jesus has come, that He did not leave us in our sin and misery but came to save us from ourselves and our rebellion against Himself. I rejoice that He will come a second time in glory and majesty. The hymn comes from those antiphons. Each one tells us something about Christ and then says “come”.
Centuries before Christ was born, the prophet Isaiah wrote:

Arise, shine; For your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. 2 For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, And deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you, And His glory will be seen upon you. 3 The Gentiles shall come to your light, And kings to the brightness of your rising. – Isaiah 60:1-3

His prophecy was fulfilled in Christ, who said in John 8:12: I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.

O Light of the World, You whose glory shines brighter than the sun, come. Lord Jesus, come to us in the darkness of sin, in the darkness of the long December nights, in the darkness of our selfishness and loneliness and bitterness. Come and heal us. Come and make us like You. Come and make us shine as lights in the darkness around us. Come…

May your Christmas be full of the One who came to save us and may your New Year be full of His mercy, grace, and peace. .

First Sunday of Advent

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While reading the weekly Scripture and prayers for the first week in Advent, I found this:

Grant us, O Lord, not to mind earthly things, but to love heavenly things; and even now, while we are placed among things that are passing away, to hold to those that shall endure; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.                                                           Leonine Sacramentary, 7th century

It reminded me of Paul’s words in Colossians 3:

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.  For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.

Which earthly things are keeping me from loving heavenly things? How can I let go more and more of earthly things that have no value while increasing my love for heavenly things which are eternal?

These are questions to ponder this season I as think about all that Christ gave when He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death in order to save us. The first step of that humiliation was when He became a helpless infant on the first Christmas. Like Mary, let us ponder these things in our heart during this Advent season.

Stand and Stare

October 18, 2018 at 0807AM - God_s majesty in today_s sunrise. I marveled all the way to work.

Sunrise over the Rappahannock River

Life is so busy, isn’t it? We run here and there—work, home, school, children, errands, entertainment, church. There is always something that needs attention. Or we need to catch up with our friends and followers on social media. Or catch the latest movie. Or make sure to tidy the garden before the first frost. Or the million other things we need or want to do.

So many times I run like a hamster on a wheel to do everything required. Between my responsibilities at work and home, there is little or no breathing space left in the schedule. Mail and newspapers alone can get out of control quickly. I need to cut back plants and weed the garden, as well as run errands and help my husband with needed paperwork.  Then there are the untidy closets and drawers, beckoning for me to come and sort things out, to donate and discard, and to tidy them so that we don’t wasting precious minutes, wading through junk.

I want time to read for fun or edification so I try to carve out time for reading every day. Creating a new blog post or working on a book I’m trying to write also take time. I’d like to get back to knitting and sewing and make curtains for the bare windows in my book room.

I spend precious time in the kitchen, cooking meals for the family, baking food for them and others in need, and endless cleaning up after those many meals and snacks.

If I do everything I need to do, never mind want to do, I notice I’m running myself ragged, like a piece of rope, frayed until worn to only the merest thread holding it together. I feel like that piece of rope all too often, and I know why I do. It’s because, in all of my to-do lists and musts, I have forgotten to stand and stare.

Have you read Leisure by William Henry Davies?  I don’t remember when I first read it, but it resonated so strongly that I have never forgotten it.

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Do we make time to stand and stare? Do we make time to:

  • look at the beauty of a sunrise or sunset instead of fleetingly glancing out our car windows as we rush off to the next appointment
  •  pause by a rose bush and touch the pale pink petals while inhaling the sweet scent of a newly opened bud
  • walk through the dew-drenched grass in the early morning and listen to the birdsong echoing all around us, praising the God who made the world
  •  sit on the porch during a thunderstorm and watch the lightning and streaming rain from a place of safety, but open to the wind and sound
  • look at the sunlight streaming in the windows over a table with a stack of books and a teacup, full of hot tea, waiting for us to stop and take a sip, then another and another while inhaling the steam and cradling the warm bowl of the cup in our hands
  • sit quietly in the evening with a glass of wine or water, meditating on the past day and thinking about all the little things for which we are grateful
  •  spend a few moments every day in thanksgiving for the simple pleasures, which are all around us and so easy to find if we choose to look

Do you take time to stand and stare?  Or do you, like I, forget that life is so much more than busyness and obligations and duties and shoulds and oughts? How many times do we forget that sometimes it is our business is to be quiet, to wait, to wonder, to meditate, and to think great thoughts? Let’s not spend this precious life merely racing from day to day without standing and staring and noticing our surroundings.

How do we make the time though? With so many people needing us and tasks set before us, how do we turn away from the neediness of our worlds?

I don’t have all the answers but I think that if we want to meet the needs of those around us, we will do it better if we have a regular time to stand, to think, to plan, to wonder, to understand the whys of what we do rather than just throw ourselves headlong, to meditate on the truths of what we believe so that we can more fully follow through on those beliefs.

It is easier, for sure, to rush through life without thinking. But join me in rebelling against that hamster-wheel type existence. Stand. Stare. Look. Think. Enjoy.

Life will be richer and more full of joy and wonder if you and I take the time each day, if only for a moment or two, to stand and stare.